Birth Story

Roman Wesley Tuft Dodson
Arrived on July 13th at 11:48am
8.05 oz ~ 20 inches long

Birth Story

     Roman Wesley was born in the 11th hour, of course.  (I say "of course" because the number 11 has been inescapable since his inception.  We found out we were pregnant on 11.01 last year at 11:01am.  And continuing through out my whole pregnancy very often when I looked at the clock it was 11:11 or 11:01 or 1:01.  And many times I would hear the radio announcer say "it's 11:11". And he was born July thirteenth: 7+1+3 = 11.  It was just too strange.)
     The weekend before I gave birth I was supposed to go to a bachelorette party for my friend Lindsay Field Brisco but I was having too many "braxton hicks" contractions and I thought it best to stay home (plus I didn't really want to be the about-to-burst preggo lady at a bachelorette party).  Though now I know these contractions or surges weren't braxton hicks, it was actually early labor.  On Saturday the 10th they were 2 minutes apart all day.  My whole abdomen was "tight" practically all day.  I was reading my preggo books about what constituted "early labor" and I kept telling Eric "I think I'm in early labor" though I didn't know for sure because I've never done this before.  But we were both in denial, thinking we had at least 2 more weeks. 
    On Sunday the 11th they slowed down a bit but toward the end of the night they picked back up.  These surges didn’t hurt but they also didn’t encourage me to walk around or go dancing.  Which is why I wasn’t grooving, like I usually do, on the dance floor of Lindsay & Colin’s wedding... a very rare moment for me.  How I missed dancing while I was pregnant! But Eric and I had a great time at their wedding even without dancing, Eric had his scotch & I had an extra slice of their delicious wedding cake!
Amongst the evening activities, we took these silly pics next to their bubble machine. ;-)

     On Monday, the night of the 12th of July I had the most intense contraction yet as Eric was thankfully rubbing my aching back!  What did it feel like?  It felt like moderately intense menstrual cramps.  No one tells you what labor feels like.  So I was surprised to find out what labor really was.  I would have liked to know before hand.  If you’re a woman then most likely you’ve had intense menstrual cramps in at least one of your cycles.   Knowing that labor is similar to intense cramps can give you courage knowing you’ve done this before so you know you can take it and you don’t have to feel as anxious or afraid of something that seems a bit freaky.
     Later that night I was busy doing last minute things before baby came & reading some of my awesome pregnancy book: Painless Childbirth.  At 2am I realized what time it was...oops! I always tried to rest as much as possible during pregnancy but it can be difficult with so much to do...  and yes I'm a night owl.  (Little did I know I was going to be awakened at 5am to have a baby!)
The last thing I read was a story about the author who was recapping her painless birth story.  I just loved reading the painless birth stories and watching "Orgasmic Birth" and really believed it was possible.  I mean why would woman lie about these things...?  It made sense.  Your adrenals can only excrete one hormone, either adrenaline or oxytocin.  Therefore, if you can encourage oxytocin to start flowing it can make you feel “orgasmic” or endorphin-ed with warm fuzzies since oxytocin is the in-love & sex hormone.  In my daily mantras to prepare for labor I would imagine staying calm and not letting anxiety get the best of me so that oxytocin would be encouraged to flow.  Focusing on my breath seemed so simple and yet for the millionth time I hoped I could surrender to it’s simplicity, to the spaces of calming peace that live inside it.  And I knew I could.  All these years of yoga had given me solid evidence that I could.
     I went to bed.  And at 5am I felt a strong "kick" close to my cervix that woke me up immediately (I was strangely "zapped" into consciousness).  This "kick" I felt (which most likely was Roman's very strong bobbly head) was followed by a water releasing feeling and a gush of water.  I knew suddenly that my water had broken.  I immediately stood up and felt another gush comes out.  Strange feeling.  I woke Eric up and told him my water just broke.  I’m sure I had a million more words to say to him but I was speechless.
     I don't think Eric could quite believe it but he dutifully started to get our suitcase ready, he was so focused on getting everything ready he didn't even have time to think about the extra-ordinary thing that was about to happen to us.  I didn't know what to do.  I decided to fill up the bathtub and sit there and not let my mind start reeling.  To know in an instant how much your life is going to change is overwhelming for the mind.  So I started my breathing in the warm water.  I also sang "You Are My Sunshine" in hopes it would encourage the baby to take it easy on me. hee hee... Singing & breathing helped me relax and remember the joy that was unimaginable that was soon coming my way and not think about how strange it will be to have a whole baby come into the world through me. 
Our suitcase was full of every imaginable thing we could need (everything from relaxing/meditative montages to music to Cataplex F for cramping pain, we even brought the guitar) & of course we barely used anything because the birth went so quickly (I know we used the fans).  
     5:15ish am - While I was in the tub, Eric and I discussed what we should do.  As I wasn't having "contractions"--or what we call "surges"--yet... We were debating the idea of having to wake up our midwife if nothing interesting was happening.  (little did we know that before 7am I would be done with active labor--from 3-7 cm--and moving into transition!)  I'd read so many birth stories at this point & I was sure that I was in for the long haul...  Maybe my sense of time was already beginning to warp but it seemed like in the very next moment my surges began.  As soon as the surges started they were 2 minutes apart!  Eric gave me his cell phone and said “here, time them and tell me how far apart they are...I’ll be right back”.  I couldn’t believe that they were 2 minutes apart when I started to time them!
I called the midwife on-call, Vicki (I had my first intense surge while on the phone with her). She said if my surges were 2 minutes apart then I'd better hurry and come on in.  I couldn’t believe it!I was hoping to have more time at home but I thought her logic was sound so I drained the tub.  By the time I was getting dressed the surges suddenly became really intense.  I had to lay down on the floor in surrender to the intensity; they could not be ignored.  In my "birth plan" I had the intention of avoiding being in a vehicle during the active labor phase...but that didn't work out. ha... I was in full blown active labor as we were getting into the truck.  Even the 30 second "breaks" from a surge didn't feel like a break...uncomfortable car ride to say the least!  It was almost like a classic movie scene with a laboring woman in a car.  I would tell Eric to slow down and speed up at the same time.  Haaa good times.  Both Eric and I were relieved when we landed at the birthing center just before 7am and I waited for my 30 second "break" so I could run into the beautiful room they had waiting for us at the Austin Birthing Center.  
    
     As soon as I got there my midwife said that she'd get us settled in and the next midwife would come on at 8am as her shift was ending.  She then said she had to "check me" (ugg!) and was very surprised to see that I was already dilated to a 7!!  I was already transitioning out of active labor and going into transition (the hardest part of labor) when I arrived!!  She hence decided that this baby was coming soon and that she would just stay for the duration instead of letting the next midwife handle it.  I'm so glad she stayed...she was so great through out the birth!  Just what I needed.  We can't thank her enough!  Also her assistant Hannah was just so unbelievably great!  They took such great care of us. What an interesting and intense and messy job they have.  There must be a very strong reason/motivation for someone sticking with the career of a midwife.  Heaven bless all the Midwives for they are truly noteworthy, glorious & gifted.
     I asked my midwife Vicki to fill up the huge jacuzzi tub, as I couldn't wait to get in.  I was so looking forward to having a water birth.  I felt only water could embrace me fully in my state.  If I could have I would have been completely underwater...I know that sounds weird but being in labor was an "underwatery" feeling, hard to explain.
    I was beginning to wonder when the "orgasmic" part would start?  Haaa. 
     Maybe the enveloping warmness would get me relaxed...but orgasmic?  Hmmmm.  Still I suspended my belief, hoping...  I should have been making out with Eric or something to get my oxytocin flowing...but everything was happening so fast, there was no time.  The warm water enveloped me in the way I knew it would and really helped with the crampiness & discomfort that was only getting worse.  Once I got in the tub my sense of time and reality began to really shift.  I couldn't hear anyone (except for in strange whisps that came in and out like in a strange film) unless I really focused.  I barely opened my eyes because I needed all my energy to get me through the surges and then rest afterwards.   I hardly even noticed my midwife had an assistant until after I'd given birth, but then later I remember little moments where she was there; I guess because I didn’t expect anyone else to be there I didn’t notice it...weird.  I watched the short video later (of me in the tub) and hardly realized how Eric was giving me little kisses, and patting my head with a cloth etc etc...I was in a state that is hard to explain.  It's a drunk like trance that is blurry & otherworldly. 
     It's funny, you are feeling so much transformation and cramping, in a rare magical moment in your life when you are in the "in between worlds" where you are about to give birth to a human who you will love beyond comprehension and be responsible for forever... you know your life is going to change forever in ways you could never imagine, and all you can do is try not to think of the intense feelings that are happening in your body.  Most woman call this “labor pain”.
     At this point the "breaks" from the surges felt more like actual breaks. And I'm guessing that's because, the wave of intensity/surge, got that much more intense.  It was strange how I couldn't talk...I would try to and have no patience for even trying.  It was true what they said about the transition part of labor (going from 7 to 10 cm dilation) being the hardest part.  Its so intense that’s its just plain irritating.  There were times it was so intense I could hardly even breath.  So at that point, no amount of breath work could do much when I can’t even breath, it was at a new level.  (If I had to do it over again, I would do much more to get my oxytocin flowing besides just breath work)  And its strange how your brain's ability to make a decision becomes impaired...good thing I had a “birth plan” for this event.  Or as my midwife called it: “planned chaos”.
     Let me digress for moment to talk about some preparation I did for this moment. I studied Hynobirthing (5 wks), Bradly Method (1 class & read book), read approx 8 books about labor, did mantras/meditations & yoga very often. I loved my hypnobirthing class.  I would highly recommend hypnobirthing as it is a wonderful perspective & education on labor & birthing.  Plus I had a great teacher.  Thanks Katherine!  (www.austinhypnobirthing.com) 
     I would take it again if I had to do it over, however I have to say that a few weeks or even months of meditation/relaxed breathing techniques are great but maybe for some, not enough to make your brain automatically do what you have trained it to do for only a few short months... For these things to come to you in an intense moment they must be a part of you, not just something you picked up right before the event.  For example, I didn't remember one visualization or breathing technique from hypnobirthing during the really intense parts because my brain's short term memory wasn't exactly functioning as it usually does.  It’s weird how parts of your brain turn off and some turn on during labor.  I am so thankful I took hypnobirthing, at the same time, I believe my long standing yoga practice is what helped my birth during the most intense parts.  I have been doing yoga breathing/meditation for over a decade and that is what my body "remembered" automatically, during my birth.  In yoga we breath through very intense moments in our bodies, whether it is physically or emotionally challenging or both, we teach ourselves to breath and stay focused and through that we are brought to see that it isn't as horrible as we initially thought it was.  In fact, my yoga practice is what gave me the confidence and courage to approach my birth the way that I did.  Au natural.
     I was recently reading in my book (that my dear friend Sarah Lakey gifted me) "Yoga, the poetry of the Body" by Rodney Yee. He was perfectly explaining a very difficult state of existence and it reminded me of how I was able to deal with the intensity of feeling during labor.  To describe my experience I will paraphrases with his words: 
     In the moment it seemed being in it was the most difficult thing you could probably be in, and yet it was extraordinary because I was forced to follow it.  I surrendered to it and then in a mindless way followed it. You're in the moment-by-moment transition of the feeling as it changes shape. Its possible to have pain without suffering, to actually feel the pain completely and not label it but keep feeling the movement of the intensity.  I think what usually happens is the suffering is actually when you identify with the pain and you start holding on to it instead of actually following moment by moment the extraordinary transformation that is happening.  You're feeling a shape in your body, and if you keep feeling it, there's no room for suffering.  You're ever present with the feeling.
    

     Even though I had my awesome yoga practice to bring me peace during the most intense parts of labor I STILL remember thinking "I am never going to do this again!" haaaa.  Its only during transition when I felt like this and not for long.  Though my labor was short and fast I was in transition and the pushing phases the longest...Ouch!  (well actually my active labor lasted a few days but it was nothing) Moving from 7 to 10 cm is such a transformation, the feeling of it is like touching fire.  I just focused on my breathing and tried to surrender to my body.  It was my mantra.  Surrender surrender surrender.  
Speaking of mantras I have to say that all the hypnobirthing affirmations/mantras are wonderful and perfect and I recommend them to all pregnant ladies.  Seriously.  They helped all my nervous nerves and also with time, created a confidence and courage that I securely relied on.  And for me it was simple & brilliant to incorporate the affirmations/mantras to my meditation & yoga practice.
Back to surrender... As I was surrendering, I suddenly felt an intense urge to "bare down"...I don't know how else to say it.  I started squatting in the tub and making loud deep, low earthy...sounds... Camille was in the waiting room and could hear me.  She told me later, "I've never heard you make sounds like that before".  
    
     I starting into the pushing phase in the tub but wasn't having as much progress at my midwife would have liked so she suggested to try to let gravity work for me and get onto the bed.  I was against this as I was attached to having him in the water...but at this point I was getting beyond exhausted (have I mentioned I'm going through labor on 3 hrs of sleep and hardly any food...only had time for a quick SP smoothie. Yah the body is amazing, especially if you give it the tools it needs!) and I'm guessing my midwife could see I was struggling because of utter depletion.  Walking from the tub to the bed was very interesting...I could tell the baby was obviously close to entering the world.  Based on the position of the baby my midwife suggested I get into a semi incline squat.  The midwife assistant asked me if it was ok for Camille to come in (she'd been in the waiting room listening to my strange birthing sounds for a while now) and my response was "if she's not scared".  Soon my sweet sister arrived and just in time, I didnt realize how much i needed her simple strength...I was drained by the time she came in.  And I was so proud of her, she wasn't scared at all.  She was so supportive & wonderful!!  Thanks again Camilly!  I think Camille was re-born as Roman was being born.  I know I was.
    
     My midwife described the pushing phase as a beautiful dance between mother and child and though I too agree, it is beautiful, it was also something that I wanted to get over with.  She calls 1st babies "the trail blazers".  Awesome.  That's just what a girl hopes for.  A small alien to blaze her inner trail. Umm, I'll pass, thanks... Well I was at the point of no return and just wanted to get through it as quickly as I could so I "pushed with my tush" as Jolana's mama Melinda suggests, giving it all my strength.  My midwives suggestions & encouragements really helped the process along quickly.  It was only my exhaustion slowing me down at this point.  I could barely open my eyes during this phase as well but I could hear that Camille was being very encouraging as well as crying intermittently.  Crying in a good way.  And Eric was silently holding my leg and my heart.  It's a very overwhelming moment. 
     It's amazing how you don't care who's in the room at this point.  You can't fight nature.
My midwife frequently checked baby Roman's heartbeat, as she pulled the monitor away from my body/our bodies, she just rolled her eyes and smiled "geez... this kid is perfectly peaceful everytime".  And I was always grateful to hear that he was doing good and drifting down peacefully.  What a crazy ride for baby.  And what brave little souls they are, so driven with the singular ambition to live on planet earth.  They follow the path into the light moment by moment following the signs & instincts laden in their DNA, yet an individual from the beginning.  I'm hoping its much less painful for baby than mother but its probably equally traumatic. 
     I kept feeling like he was gonna come out any second.  I would feel so much progress as I pushed toward the pressure & transformation.  But again, "it was a dance".  Toward the end of this dance, everyone encouraged me to reach down and touch his soft head, they wanted to convince me that I was making good progress but I didn't need any encouragement like that.  I could feel it was going to happen soon enough.  The truth is... I didn't particularly want to feel a human head coming out my vagina.  But they kept saying how his head was unbelievably soft etc etc.  So I thought I should seize the moment.  And when I touched his head my reality began to shift, I could feel him... he was real and he was almost here and the actuality of it was astonishing.  It is a death and rebirth , creation and destruction all at the same time.
     As the miracle continues... Roman's head comes out and Eric tells me the shoulders are coming out and before I know it, before I'm ready, without being able to conceptualize the metamorphosis, my midwife lays a crying wee baby on my belly and my entire life changes forever...

P.S. I know my labor was so fast because I was very faithful with taking my whole food supplements.  I was on what we health care practitioners call "the torpedo baby nutritional protocol".  So I was able to give my baby the best tools to work with during gestation!  I know my good diet and herbal teas helped a lot too.  My midwife said that I had the most healthy placenta she'd ever seen!  And Roman sure has been such a healthy baby.  I took a lot of good oils & I didn’t get one stretch mark.
I'm in the process of writing a simple book about this protocol and how it saved my life during my pregnancy.  I think I had the best pregnancy any Hamilton woman has ever had!  And I want to help others poor preggo ladies so look for that coming...haaa whenever it all comes together...
I'm also trying to put together an edited version of my birth video...so look for that too.